I watched the sky and wisps of clouds as the plane flew through the air. On the ground were snow-capped mountains and green grass. It was strange to see lawns so green. Southern California is known for its perpetual droughts and a well-watered lawn is a sign of wealth. However, the green lawns I saw could not be attributed to man's wealth, rather, it was nature's gift. For the past week and a half or so, it had been raining. Everything looked fresh. With the rain done, the sky was clear and blue. The air was crisp and the foliage green.
The plane descended into LAX, Los Angeles International Airport. I thought LAX would be crowded with Americans from all over the world trying to get back home. However, I was met with empty hallways. Ashley, Marley, and I made our way through immigration, picked up our luggage, and passed through customs. For the first time in months, I heard people speaking Spanish.
Prior to Youth Rush, I had never been interested in learning the language. It was the language everyone took in high school but never actually learned. I took American Sign Language instead. I loved ASL, with its words and grammar bound by space and location instead of letters. During Youth Rush, there were times I worked in predominantly Spanish-speaking neighborhoods. I stumbled over my half-formed sentences, "Hola, mi nombre Gabriella. Estudiante en escuela trabajando para una beca." Which translates to "Hi, my name is Gabriella. I'm a student working on a scholarship." I'm sure, I butchered half a dozen grammar rules with that sentence alone but I persisted, trying to get my message across. "Mira, mira!" I would say with a smile, extending my hand and presenting a book called, "Hábitos que Sanan," Habits that Heal. After that summer, I wanted to learn Spanish. I had been touched by its beauty and had interacted with people who used it as their primary means of communication. Just like ASL had called to me, Spanish also spoke to my heart. For months, I had not heard this language. Now, its familiar sounds touched my ears. I was in California, back to the familiar setting that had been my home for eleven years.
I moved to California from the Philippines shortly after my 11th birthday. I left for Japan three weeks before my 22nd birthday. So, plus or minus a few weeks, I had lived half of my life in the Philippines and the other half in the U.S. Which was home? I went back to the Philippines during my freshman year of college. My childhood home had been converted into an unrecognizable building. The quiet street I had dreamed of returning to was now filled with tricycles and private cars. In a conversation with one of my cousins where he talked about missing our childhood, I realized we had both lost the place of our youth. They lost it to the changing times and a growing city. I had lost it in moving to a new place and in return had gotten the U.S., a whole new country as my playground. Neither of us could return to our childhood home, to the place at the edge of a green field with a forest not too far off. The once tall trees are gone.
When I was in Japan, I missed people and different foods. However, I didn't miss places. I didn’t miss California. If you take Japan, California, and the Philippines and take away factors like family, friends, school, and work and focused solely on the place, which would I call home? I would call Japan home, the place I had spent the least amount of time in. I loved the ease of travel. I loved going on little adventures. I loved it for the place that it was and not because of the people that tied me to it. And so, I was returning to the familiar and moving away from home.
The two weeks that followed my return was absolutely miserable. I was exhausted from the jet lag, trying to get my academics in order, and worrying about money. I had lost two jobs, my spring financial aid, had not yet received my last paycheck from one of my jobs, and had spent several hundred dollars in the move back to the U.S. Thankfully, the Benjamin A. Gilman International Scholarship Program paid for my plane ticket back to the U.S. I have been blessed through this organization in so many ways.
After two weeks of not getting anywhere, I decided to just clear my schedule and relax. I fed my escapist side with food, movies, and audiobooks. I lounged about all day, unmotivated. I think giving yourself a break is a good idea but my "break" was also unhealthy for me. Instead of doing something that would help me heal and move forward, I just wasted time. After a week and a half of being useless, I have had enough. Laziness is a quality I dislike; both in myself and others. I got back to planning school and finances. I applied to jobs and scholarships, but with COVID times, it was extremely difficult. I also enrolled in 13 units of summer classes. To give some perspective, a college student takes 12 units in a regular semester to be considered a full-time student. A regular semester is 16 weeks long. I would be taking 9 units the first 6 weeks of summer and 4 units in the second half. All my classes were 300 level math and computer science classes. Sixteen weeks' worth of content would be condensed into 6 weeks. That meant an exam every other week when students usually had a month to prepare between each exam in a regular semester. It was a crazy endeavor but I wanted to graduate in the spring of 2021.
At the time, my friends still didn't know I was back in California. I had planned to quarantine for two weeks then go see them. But, California was on lockdown. Two weeks turned into two months with no promise that the stay at home order would be lifted. I talked to friends over the phone, pretending I was in a different time zone. Why I made things difficult for myself, I really don't know. I had this idea that it would be great to surprise everyone. I should have just told them from the beginning and they could have supported and commiserated with me during a difficult time. When two months had passed, I decided to do a drive-by gift drop. It was nice to finally see friends again. It was somewhat anticlimactic since all I did was drop off a gift and leave.
It was around this time that my sister got on a health program. She had tried different diets before and I was not about to go on a diet with her. But then I could smell the food she was preparing, heard her conversations with her health coach, and see the change in her energy levels. What she was doing wasn't a diet, it was a whole health program.
Before I continue, here's a little backstory on me and my health. I had a whole lot of energy as a kid. The last time I had that kind of energy was probably in middle school. I remember one particular summer where I was competing as a synchronized swimmer and springboard diver. I was at the pool from 11:00 AM-5:00 P.M. It was great! I felt strong, my body lean and muscular. In high school, I wasn't very active. Actually, I wasn't active at all. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety that started during middle school (the kind of anxiety that had me puking every morning before school). After a semester in a brick and mortar public school, I transferred to an online school. I preferred that arrangement. I got to excel in private. No classmates, mean teachers, or bullies. However, I was missing some key health and lifestyle principles. The depression started. The feeling of dread when waking up and emptiness that followed me throughout the day persisted. I also felt guilt for feeling that way. I had a good home and family. Why was I miserable?
After high school, I took a gap year and studied health and lifestyle for four months. One of the first classes I took was about anxiety and depression recovery. That was the first time I realized I was depressed. I was sad but I didn’t know the continued sadness was a problem called "depression." I went through the course and started implementing the lessons I learned. In a way, it was easy to do. I was in a supportive environment, the whole campus was vegan, we were required to exercise every day, and our schedules were well structured. For the first time in years, I felt wonderful. However, when I returned home, I started falling back into old habits. I started college a few months later.
Everyone talks about the "Freshman 10," that is, the 10 lbs. you gain during your freshman year. For me, it was the freshman 15 and then the sophomore 15. I tried going to the gym and even swam a mile a night for five days a week for half of a semester. I lost 3 lbs. Are you kidding me? 80 laps a night and all I lose is 3 lbs! The swimming also left me exhausted. It took so much time out of my day. And before you say I just need to eat healthier, at that time I was a vegan. Yes, vegans can still be overweight. I had friends who would give up red meats and drop 10 lbs. I wasn't even eating cheese! What else did I need to give up?
I was already overweight when I was in Japan. In the two months since returning home, I had gained 10 lbs. Gaining 10 lbs. in two months is a lot! I was exhausted and ready for a change in my life. Here was my sister, on a health program she actually enjoyed. What did I have to lose? I said yes.
School started and toward the end of the first week, I got a call from a company that had received my resume over a year ago during a job fair on campus. The person who had been handling recruitment was no longer working there and the folder with my resume had sat in a box collecting dust for a year. Now, just when I needed it, they were calling to offer me a job. I started work and my health program on the same day. I was at work from 6:00-9:00 A.M. then I was in class from 9:00 A.M.-4:00 P.M. I had homework and projects to do after that. Somehow, I had the energy to face all of my responsibilities. At the end of the day, I placed my head down on a pillow and fell into a good night's rest. I woke up refreshed and energized.
During this time, I worked on forming health habits. After a month on the program, I had lost 8 lbs. and gained a whole lot more in return. I finished the summer session with As and Bs. I read six books just for fun and finished a speed-reading class. By October, I had lost 26 lbs. Tired of being stuck at home, I started hiking. Whenever I had a two to three-hour break between classes, I tried to fit a hike in. I was hiking 3-4 times a week. It was only then, after living in California for half of my life that I began to appreciate its beauty. Shortly after moving to CA, someone had asked me how I liked it. "Horrible weather, right?" he had said. The summers were too hot and dry. You didn't get a real winter and there was always some sort of drought. In my mind, other states were always more beautiful. But now, in exploring my own backyard, I saw the beauty of Southern California. I began to love it in a way I had loved Japan. For months, all I could think about was how to return to Japan. I had looked into job and ministry opportunities. I still want to return to Japan and live there for a few months at a time but in loving California and the U.S., I was able to let it go. I was able to hold on to the best of who I was while studying abroad and bring it back home with me. Japan will always have a special place in my heart but I don't have to be in Japan to be who I want to be. I can do that wherever I am.
In case you were wondering, I was able to make up for the semester I lost and will be graduating with a degree in computer science this May. I am now a health coach, helping others reach their goals just as my coach helped me. Having experienced the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, I want to help people take control of all aspects of their life, starting with their health.
Author’s Note: Thank you Emeline L. for critiquing this post. Emeline is a fellow author and a friend from the Young Writers Workshop. If any of you, dear readers, are young writers (or would like to become a writer) it is a great community and educational resource.
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